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Showing posts from October, 2011

....you don't know what it's like not to be adopted.....

In  the movie "And then she found me"  the adopted sister (helen hunt) says to her brother, who is the biological son of their parents:
You don't know what it's like to be adopted.
The brother simply replies:
And you don't know what it's like not to be adopted....

At the time I saw the movie, I somehow liked the answer but did not understand it's implications. Now, years later, as I am reading through the posts on our FB group about "trans racial adoption/fostering" - I find a deeper truth in it.

Ever since I have started talking to adoptees, I have been feeling uneasy and sad about the fact that my  life choice to adopt rather than to procreate, which was made out of a whole hearted "yes" to life and it's many possible roads and pathways, seems to be at the root of so much heart ache, despair and pain - for adopted children.

I am wondering if this seemingly "negative" side to adoption might be one of the reasons that to…

Different shades of Love

Shape of my love

When I started my journey as your mother, I had no idea what it would be like. I never really thought about it much either, as I was convinced, love would rush to my side and help me through all the difficult bits, from the moment you were first placed in my arms.

That was not so.

Instead of having this serene experience, where mother- love would take over my body and soul and turn me into the- mother-I-was-meant-to-be, all I could feel in that moment  was insecurity and, above all, sheer panic. There were moments in the first weeks of your lives with me, where self-doubt and despair seemed all there was left of my feelings and I feared I could never be the mother you deserved.

But quietly in the background my love for you  grew, like a seed hidden underground, unnoticed and unrecognisable, but its final shape the knowlege it already carries deep within.

My love for you grew silently at first,  from the moment I conceived you as a possibility, to the earth shatte…