Cross Cultural Adoption

Cross cultural adoption….
There are those who feel it is important to restrict or even forbid by law what they call cross cultural adoption. They claim to have proof that it can’t be good for a child to be adopted “out of their original culture”. They think that those children are burdened not only by being adopted but also by having been deprived of their roots.

Lets have a closer look at the this cultural issue: What culture are we talking about? Are we talking about continents, countries or language? Is it - for example - ok for a German person to adopt an Italian child, but not an Asian child? Are French parents acceptable for a Russian orphan? And how do we trace the exact culture of an abandoned child who might have two genetic parents from different cultures? Should parents from different cultures not have children because it might confuse them when they grow up? Is it not time to face up to the fact that we live in a world community? Some people live in many different cultures throughout their lives. Some people – like me - adopt a different culture, some people leave their original culture behind by choice or by circumstances. We have friends from different cultures, we marry into different cultures. To think that it is a good idea to restrict relationships by culture is downright absurd.

So why say culture, when, the real issue here is colour! What these opinions really hide is the belief that people with light skin should not be parents to people with a dark skin and vice versa. The underlying reason behind these opinions is that some people are uncomfortable with the fact that we are headed towards a world where black and white will ultimately blend into one, where cultures become interspersed with each other and we have to lose our preconceptions and judgements if we don’t want to be left behind in the dark ages of racism and elitism.

And even if it might be easier for children to grow up with parents who look like them - what is the alternative here? That we should rather leave them in orphanages or foster homes or abandoned somewhere in the street, because parents of a different culture will only make them feel like they don’t fit in? And is this not what all teenagers feel anyway? Is this not the very definition of being a teenager? And if everybody feels that way at some point in their life why should adopted children actually not feel alienated and unloved at times? This is what it comes down to really: We all have problems throughout our lives, with our parents or friends or siblings, with our self image and our self worth. That’s life. We breathe and we have problems. If we work on ourselves we learn to live with problems and be content, even happy sometimes. If our problems are over, we are dead. To think that these problems can be put down to one simple cause is not only delusional but also totally pointless.

Will it confuse my two adopted children, when they realise they have darker skin than me, or different colour eyes or hair? Yes, it might confuse them, it might even cause them anxiety and pain, when they are confronted with insensitive reactions and opinions. But at the end of the day they come home to me and to a family who loves each other for who they are and where they are taught that it is ok to be different and where we are really not so different at all.
Or as my 4 year old daughters best friend put it (after she scraped her knee) : Look,  we have the same blood, its red!


Charisse said…
Hear Hear! You put it very succinctly.
gunnagirls said…
thanks so much for reading and participating!!!
Matthias said…
Mein Tinchen Schwesterlein

Ja jetzt bin ich offiziell dein 'Blog Follower'
Magst du das Bild von UNS zwein im Wald.
Viele Erinnerungen an unsere eigene Kindheit kommen mir, wenn ich dich ueber deine Kinder schreiben lese, reden hoere.

Oh I forgot this is an english forum, I guess I better start writing in English then.

Thanks Tina, for sharing your personal and intimate thoughts and feelings, which is sometimes -yes- so difficult yet therapeutic for us.
If we only realized this, we would and could be like an open book to the world without fear, judgement or attitude; just our pure soul-self, and looking in the mirror like this we would really see ourselves, maybe even for the first time.
gunnagirls said…
danke mein lieber!!! bin so froh, dass du dabei bist. und this is also a german forum. Ich lade alle ein, auch in deutsch zu schreiben, wenn/s einfacher ist. Anything goes.
love love love
Sada Sat said…
Thank you Martina! I love learning more about your wonderful girls!

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