Showing posts from November, 2010

Favourites of the week:

My  friend, mother of two - one self made and one recently adopted - suggests, I put the following comments up for discussion.

1 Where is her real mother
2  Don't these people use contraception

Ok ... let's see: the first one might possibly fall under the clemency of yesterday's enlightened state of mind, in which I suddenly found understanding and love in my heart for those who don't think before they speak (!!! )but are essentially well intentioned. They look me in the eye and hush their voice as to not to alert my child to the fact that a total stranger is asking an intrusive and utmost intimate question about her life. They seem to think that there is some level of understanding between them and me that naturally excludes her -  something that they think they ought to know and she should not. Some uncomfortable, maybe even nasty secret:  THE REAL MOTHER
To those, who look me in the eye and ask where is her real mother, I calmly respond: I am her real mother.

October Child Magazine published this one

There is one thing that bothers me whenever I read anything about adoption, and that is that people don’t seem to consider the possibility that adopting a child can be a deliberate choice and not the result of many years of failed attempts to conceive “your own” biological child. There seems to be a common perception that adoption is only a second choice, reserved for when all else fails, and that loving a biological child is more natural and comes more easily than loving an adopted child.

This is absolutely not the case. The feelings we have for our children are only determined by our capacity to love and not by their genetic backgrounds. If you have the ability to love, you will love your child – whichever way he or she comes to you.

I chose to adopt my children because it made sense to me from an early age (I was 12 when I first decided I was going to adopt). I wanted to be a mother to children who needed mothering, rather than bringing more children into the world. At the time t…

Cute kids - where did you get them?

Yes, people notice us, wherever we go. They stare, they smile, they make contact, they make a point of not looking but no matter what, we always get noticed. Does it bother me? It used to. A lot.
When strangers came up to me and said things like:

It's such a beautiful thing that you are doing. Being a parent to these children.


They are so cute, where did you get them? (for real!)


Are they real sisters. I mean  REALLY ? sisters?

I never knew what to say, so I smiled stiffly and carried on walking or if we were stuck in a restaurant, I turned away pretending that my kids needed my full attention, to indicate that I was not interested in any further communication. Inwardly I was seething: Who do they think they are, that they can come up to me and comment on my life choices, or my children or ask questions about my most private affairs? Do I go up to total strangers and say:

Ooooh excuse me, did you conceive your child naturally or by invitro. Is this their real dad or did y…

Cross Cultural Adoption

Cross cultural adoption….
There are those who feel it is important to restrict or even forbid by law what they call cross cultural adoption. They claim to have proof that it can’t be good for a child to be adopted “out of their original culture”. They think that those children are burdened not only by being adopted but also by having been deprived of their roots.

Lets have a closer look at the this cultural issue: What culture are we talking about? Are we talking about continents, countries or language? Is it - for example - ok for a German person to adopt an Italian child, but not an Asian child? Are French parents acceptable for a Russian orphan? And how do we trace the exact culture of an abandoned child who might have two genetic parents from different cultures? Should parents from different cultures not have children because it might confuse them when they grow up? Is it not time to face up to the fact that we live in a world community? Some people live in many different culture…